Love

Published March 13, 2012 by glittereyelashes

It started when I was about 12, I think. I was going out with a boy called Joe, my first serious boyfriend πŸ™‚ he made me tremendously happy and feel so mature for my age, when really he was the total opposite. He was friends with joe, quite good friends they hung out and were in the same year.
We became best friends, constantly writing notes between classes, we would call and text all the time, once being on the phone for 5 hours! Joe and I were on a break (a constant thing when your only 13, oh the dramas!) He asked me out…..I had to tell him I was still really with joe. It broke his heart.
There was something about him, he made me happy, he wanted to be around me constantly, he wanted to impress me and hated to see me sad. When I was 13 he asked me out again…I asked my two bestfriends what I should do :S I was so unsure! They said just do it!
He called me that night and I said I’m really sorry (trying to hold some suspense) but my answers yes πŸ™‚ he was so happy! That was february 5th 2004.
I wasn’t truly attracted to him, yes his personality but I wasn’t smitten like I had been with Joe….
But as we spent more and more time together my heart just grew with his love. He would go on holiday and still call and text every minute, he’d buy me presents for everyday he was away and he would remember books I had mentioned wanting and order them, even from america!
He was a push over, I began to take advantage and walk all over him. I’m not proud.
He would tell me I was constantly beautiful and there wasn’t a day in those 3 and a half years I didn’t feel loved.
I was horrible to be around, horrible to his parents. I loved his little sisters more than anything it hurt leaving them….
He was my bestfriend he knows more about me than anyone else does. When he broke up with me, due to me being such a horrible drama queen bitch, I should have been shocked. But deep down I knew I never did and never had deserved him. People like him don’t stay with people like me.
When I told him I was moving he was devastated, he cried….he wrote me a love letter saying of all the things he regrets and how he wishes we were still together, I couldn’t say it back, for once I felt strong. He told me if I ever wanted to come back he’d be there, he said he would love me forever. It sounds like something from a fairy tale, and I walked away. Does this make me a total idiot?
Its 4 years later, I’ve moved country and he’s totally in love with someone else but there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t still love him. When I last visited he told me he didn’t want to see me, and not to message him anymore. This time I think he was serious.
I’m hoping one day he may speak to me again, I don’t expect him to love me anymore. But I will love him forever and always.
L.

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